I don't know what to say. This story is really getting popular now. Also, I know Restoration is really conflicting to those who have seen it. Don't worry, I have got my reasons of certain characters surviving and you will see why. Oh yeah, this chapter will be short as, though it is just a copy and paste episode, I will only do the scenes that is essential. That and also that some of you may have seen the episode already. Oh yeah, fair warning, there is a mention of sex…if you get what I mean?
Caboose's Guide to make Friends in Hell
Guide Five
Assisting a Family
Premise: I get to help a family right after joining Bingo's group. Though, they were in long naps after I helped them.
It was another day within Hazbin Hotel, and the inhabitants were doing their usual routine. Angel was teasing Husk, who felt irritated by it. Sir Pentious was with his egg minions, planning on their usual schemes. Niffty was cleaning every nook and cranny in the room, and Alastor was being Alastor.
However, Charlie was looking all over the place as one person had been missing. It took her all morning to look over at the hotel but to no avail. Even in the room she even provided a room during his stay. She grabbed the sides of her hair and groaned frustratedly. "Just where did Caboose go!?"
A thought came to her. Since his "pet", Freckles, is able to speak, "he" can possibly tell her where he went. Without a time to waste, she went to where he is. Upon her entry into the Main Hall, where he stood at the corner of the room, Charlie cleared her throat to get "his" attention. "Uh, Freckles?"
The Mantis Class Military Assault Droid shifted down to look at her. "YES?"
"Do you know where Caboose went?" She questioned while hiding her nervousness. Charlie wasn't used to seeing a literal war/death machine within her hotel despite it not being hostile.
"CAPTAIN CABOOSE IN SOMEWHERE APPLYING FOR A JOB." The Droid responded with a robotic tone. "MISS ONE-EYED MEAN LADY SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU BY NOW."
"Por el amor de…" Charlie looked at her left to see Vaggie, who seems to be deprived of sleep. "I'm not mean! I just get bothered by your Companion's stupid antics!"
"CAPTAIN CABOOSE HAS CONTINUED HIS DAILY ROUTINE FOR YEARS." Caboose's pet addressed. "NON UNSC PERSONNEL ARE UNAUTHORIZED IN ONGOING TASKS. HOWEVER, CAPTAIN CABOOSE HAS INSTRUCTED ME TO MENTION THAT HE WILL RETURN BEFORE 01:00 TOMORROW AFTER HE HAS FINISHED HIS TASK."
The Princess of Hell was glad to be informed about that. "Right. Where is exactly is this job?"
"NOT FAR FROM THE HOTEL." Freckles informed robotically.
"That doesn't answer the question." Vaggie reminded him.
"YOU WILL GET YOUR ANSWER ONCE CAPTAIN CABOOSE GETS BACK." Freckles countered.
Though it wasn't the answer she wanted, Charlie was glad she had the information needed on Caboose's whereabouts. "Thank you for telling us, Freckles."
"YOU ARE MOST WELCOME." He robotically said.
"Uh, hon." Charlie turned towards her girlfriend. "Are you sure what he's saying alright?"
The Princess of Hell smiled at her with certainty. "If Freckles had been with Caboose for a while, I'm sure he can handle himself. Right, Vaggie?"
"Um…" She uttered with uncertainty.
-Flashback Begins-
Vaggie slept peacefully on the bed she shared with her girlfriend. She seemed to be sleeping well after doing the trust exercise with the Hotel's Staff. Though, she can't help but feel a familiar individual watching over her. Slowly opening her eyes, she immediately saw him attempting to be sneaky. "Hello Caboose."
"Hello, Miss Angry Mexican Pirate," Caboose greeted her as quietly as he could.
"What are you doing in our room again?" She asked, hiding her frustration to not wake her girlfriend up. Also, Miss Angry Mexican Pirate. Is that another insult he giving her?
"I found a part-time job and they are willing to hire anyone." He responded.
This raises suspicion for the one-eyed lady. "What type of job?"
"Where people assist one another," The Blue soldier answered.
"Assisting people?" Vaggie was still doubtful on what she heard. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yeah, I wanted to let you know, Church doesn't like it when I go on an adventure." Caboose spoke. "Please tell Miss Carlos about what I said to you." With that said, the Blue idiot began to "sneak" away from the bed to exit the room while crouching. "Sneaking. Sneaking. Sneaking. Sneaking. Sneaking. I am sneaking. I am sneaking…"
Once he left, Vaggie felt another headache coming. Caboose was very unusual, even more so than an average Sinner of Hell. For the sake of her sanity, she immediately closed her eye as she only wanted to sleep.
-Flashback Ends-
"…Vaggie? Vaggie?" She was brought out of her thoughts and looked at her girlfriend, who seemed to have a concerned look. "Are you okay?"
"Uh…yeah," The other girl responded rather awkwardly. "I'm sure Caboose will be fine with his part-time job." Deep down, she was not confident about Caboose's part time job by assisting other people. This was Hell after all, and Sinners aren't the type that are "beneficial" to any sane individuals. All she could do was to let out a heavy sigh.
"I MUST ALSO ADDRESS ANOTHER TASK THAT HAS BEEN ASSIGNED," Now both Charlie and Vaggie looked up at the robot. "CAPTAIN CABOOSE HAS REQUESTED THAT ONE OF THE HOTEL STAFF IS TO ESCORT ME DURING MY PATROL ROUTE."
"…Tienes que estar jodiéndome!?" Vaggie muttered.
-Scene Change-
Caboose was busy munching on some beef jerkies in the I.M.P's Office. He was watching Moxxie struggling to keep still as he aimed a crossbow at a photo that Loona held. "So Roxy, why are you practicing to aim?"
The Imp lowered his crossbow and looked at him. "Well, our Boss said I can't use a crossbow. So, I am practicing." Right before doing so, he looked at his newest team member. "Also, are you eating with your helmet on?! No, better yet, how are you eating that?!"
"Uh, yeah. It has a built-in filter I can turn off." Caboose responded before he ate another piece of beef jerky. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it."
Moxxie shook his head at that response. He raised his crossbow once again but was shaking as he aimed at the photo, which consist of a mother, a father, a daughter, a son, and a baby. Millie saw this and spoke to her husband. "Moxxie, stop shakin'! You're gonna shoot our only hellhound!"
Loona, who was holding the photo in air and also on her phone, took offense to that comment. "Wow. I feel soooo loved here." She said in a mixture of deadpan and sarcasm.
"Of course everyone likes you, Nevada! Including me!" Caboose said with assurance.
The Hellhound turned her head to her new colleague. "I didn't mean it literally, Bluetard. Also, Nevada? That isn't my correct name. It's Loona."
"Yeah, I understand, Nevada." Caboose replied being completely oblivious to getting her name wrong. Again.
Loona shook her head and went on her phone to distract herself. At the same time, Millie had a talk with her husband. "Just take a deep breath," She inhaled air before exhaling. "…let it out!"
"But... it's a family!" Moxxie argued. "Under what circ*mstances would we ever need to kill a human family?"
His wife understood his sentiment. But have to remind him of their work's ethic. " I mean, if that's what the client wants."
"Maybe like a sh*tty dad. Or a mob family. That's understandable." Moxxie brought up that last comment in an Italian accent before returning to his normal one. "But to eradicate an entire innocent—seemingly, in this instance—upper middle class family bloodline?"
The Hellhound looks at the picture as she thinks for a moment. In an instant, she sat up and looked at her nervous colleague. "Hey! You don't know they're innocent!" She points onto the boy in the photo. "This kid probably sets dogs on fire," She then moves to the girl. "maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online," Finally, she points to the father. "and this guy… This guy definitely watches."
"Exactly! Humans are full of secret nasties. It's why so many of them end up here." Millie reminded her husband.
"But—" He spoke up.
"Guilty and innocent aren't our business, Mox." She cupped her husband's cheeks and shakes them. "Killin' who we're paid to is our business. Shoot the target." She kisses him, which caused him to be dazed by it.
"I just think it's a bit excessive, and we could be a bit more selective, is all." He suggested.
"But if we do that I can't help more people! We should be more excessive!" Caboose shouted as he aimed his rifle at the ceiling and sprayed confetti on the couple. Being the oblivious person that he is, he unintentionally threw his pack of beef jerky into the foot of a tank filled with Eels and immediately started to wobble.
If that wasn't bad enough, Blitzø and his clint had walked out of his office. "Guys! I want you to meet—" The former was about to announce when he saw the eels, along with glass and water, spilled onto the floor. "...our newest client!" All of sudden, the entire room caught on fire.
Seeing what he have done, Caboose immediately reacted. "Roxy did it!"
Moxxie looked at Caboose with a flabbergasted expression. "Wait! I didn't do—"
"Damn it, Moxxie! I just bought those eels!" His Boss scolded him in accusation as the flames only intensified.
-Scene Change-
Right after the fire had been put down by the firefighters, Caboose and the IMP stood outside of the building. Blitzø waved as his client, Mrs. Mary Mayberry, drive off in a yellow taxicab. " Byyyyye! And don't worry, we'll get that skan* in less than twenty-four hours or your first kill is freee!"
Moxxie raised an eyebrow upon hearing what his boss had spoken. "When did we start implementing that deal?"
His boss turned to glare at him. "When you set fire to my office in front of a CLIENT, YOU f*ckIN' DIPsh*t!" He grabbed the other Imp in the face before pushing him away.
"Like I said, it was nobody's fault." Caboose assured the group before looking at him. "Psst, I think the new guy did it." Loona felt a headache coming as what he said was a very blatant lie.
Wanting to let this past, the I.M.P Boss had one demand. "Now, can someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact!"
Loona, who was busy texting on her phone, could already answer that. "You mean... our only ticket to the other side?" She pulls a thick book out in the air. "Yeah, got it."
"And that's why you're my favorite, Loonie." Blitzø praised her before speaking in a baby tone. "You get a tweat, now!" He held a dog biscuit towards her.
Loona took offense to this. "Ew. Stop."
Blitzø threw the treat into the air. He was about to grab it with his tongue when Caboose beat him to it by jumping into the air and landing back unto the ground. Everyone could only watch as the blue idiot munched the biscuit before swallowing it. "Wow! Now that was a really tasty treat!"
"Caboose!" He turned to the imp, who had a sad puppy look in his eyes. "I was going to eat that!"
The idiot immediately didn't feel guilty to what he had done. "Not my fault, again. That treat was going to be in the floor if no one caught it."
"That's still gross, Bluetard!" Loona commented as she slammed the book shut. At the same time, Millie drew a pentagram with chalk on the wall. It immediately glows red, which creates a portal to the other side of the living realm.
"Awwww, stop it. I get enough of that from my therapist." Blitzø spoke as he put his hand on Moxxie's face, who struggled to walked to his wife. "Now, let's go lick some ass!"
"Hey chicka bum bum!" Caboose quietly uttered. Again, Loona was the only who heard that and was already getting so much headache from just hearing him. She decided to head back in to get rid of it.
"The expression is "kick some ass"... Blitzo." Millie corrected as she snapped her fingers at her boss while walking through the portal.
Blitzø didn't take it so lightly. "Mine's better." He was next to walk in.
Then it was Moxxie, who seemed to be hesitant about all of this. He let out a sigh. "Aww, fuuuck…"
Lastly, it was Caboose. He seemed to be very excited with all of this. It is his first assignment to assist this family he heard Bliztø talking with the client. "Yay, this task is going to be so awesome!"
-Scene change-
As Caboose stood out of the portal, the first thing he noticed that it wasn't too similar to the environment of Blood Gulch. That may be far-fetched as the house didn't have the same material used for the base. "Caboose!" The idiot turned to Blitzø, who was looking at him. "You coming with us?"
He looked at him and felt like he needed to go somewhere. "Yeah, I need to head to the bathroom. I'm bursting."
"You could have done that earlier, Caboose!" Moxxie reminded him.
"Well, that portal made my bladders burst!" The idiot argued.
Blitzø heard all of this, which caused him to quietly groan. "Alright. You can go to relieve yourself, Caboose. Make sure its quick because our profession is being quick and stealthy."
"You're not doing that, Sir," Moxxie reminded him.
His leader glared at him. "Would you shut up, Mox!"
"Okay, I will quickly go to the bathroom!" Caboose spoke before he turned around and headed to the woods.
Seeing the blue idiot walking away, the trio Imps then turned to the house. "Right, time to do our jobs, folks!" The leader of the group spoke as they stealthily approached their destination.
-Scene Change-
After relieving his bladder, Caboose had found himself deep within a woods that was very far from where the house was located. He was confused to how he was able to go back despite the foot tracks he made. "How the heck am I meant to go back where I came from?"
Gunshots were immediately heard. The blue idiot immediately ducked as he hid behind a tree log. Before he can wonder what was going on, he saw Blitzø running with a bullet wound in his right arm.
As Caboose wanted to ask what was going on… "I know you're hurtin', little devil!" A woman spoke with a genetic, southern sing-song voice, making him shut his mouth. He saw the imp catching his breathe while leaning against a tree stump. It was during this time that he caw Caboose hiding and immediately pressed his right index finger to his lips to make sure he remained quiet. "I promise, that I can make that pain go real quick! Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in your pretty little skull!" The woman, Martha, spoke as she passes by the stump the Imp was hiding behind.
Hearing her pass by caused Blitzø to let out a sigh of relief. Though, it was only shortly lived when his phone let out a yell sound. He pulls out a yellow cell phone and it flips through the air. "Damnit!" He cursed as he caught his phone before putting it to his ear. "Stolas! This is a really bad time."
"Mmmmm, when isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?" Stolas asked on the other side of the call. Unknown to both of them, Caboose could hear the entire conversation.
"What is it?!" Blitzø asked in a frustrated tone.
"I've been meaning to follow up on our last little conversation regarding my grimoire?" Stolas reminded the imp, causing him to have an angry expression.
"What did you just call me?!" He asked.
"My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job? That I have allowed you to use to do yours?" In an instant, A bullet flies through the tree where the Imp was moments before. Both he and Caboose saw a shadow of Martha with red eyes and mouth through the hole.
"I can HEAR you, darlin'!" She called out to him.
"Shhhhit!" Blitzø cursed before he started to flee.
"Anywhooo, I have been thinking. You know, I have been... permitting you to access the mortal realm less than... legally for quite some time now, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties. I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors?" Stolas had requested. In the meantime, Caboose saw the Imp running deep into the woods. A bullet hits a tree, which caused him to duck behind another one. "Doesn't that sound... enticing?" Now, he spoke in a seductive tone.
"You gotta stop using your fancy ass rich people talk, okay? I'm trying to concentrate on not getting f*cked in my A!" Blitzø hissed before a bullet hits the tree he was hiding behind.
"Then, let me keep it simple: Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of…paaassionate fornication~" Stolas suddenly said with a very lustful tone, which Caboose somehow manages to hear. "Aaand you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hmm? Sound fair, my little Imp?"
Despite the situation the Imp found himself in, he quickly responded while peeping from behind the tree. "Fine! Whatever!"
This got Stolas excited. He continues to lustfully ramble through Blitzø's cell phone, causing him to cringe at this. "Ohhh, Blitzo! I'm so excited! I cannot wait to feel your slimy [bleeped] inside of my [bleeped]. To [bleeped] the—"
The imp got too distracted by this. The next thing that happened is him dropping his phone onto the ground as he is pinned to the tree by the butt of gun that a voluptuous, crazed blonde woman was holding. Stolas continues talking on the phone through the bleeps.
"Bing!" Caboose quietly cried out, seeing his friend within this woman's grasp.
"Gotcha!" Martha said as she pinned harder at the imp. "So, you're a little devil, huh? Come to drag me and my kin to Hell? Well... NOT TODAY, SATAN! Gonna send y'all back where ya came from!" with that, she grabbed him by the throat and dragged him along.
Seeing Blitzø held captive by this crazed woman made Caboose go out of his hiding spot and looked at the direction he headed. "Don't worry, Bing! I am coming to help!" He spoke with determination before he began to walk. As he did, he then thought about the conversation he hard between the imp and this individual, Stolas. Already, he had a suspicious feeling. "Why the heck does Stallas want with Bingo! He's my friend and no one should be his best friend besides me!"
-Scene Change-
Deeper within the forest, red symbols could be seen hanging from the tree branches with torches in rows and tents. A full moon appears in the sky as it shines over Millie and Blitzø tied to a stake decorated with spikes at the top. Martha's husband, Ralphie, laughed while pouring gasoline on the ground under their feet.
The latter was struggling to be freed from his bounds and let out a sigh. "I had that f*cking shot. God dammit, Moxxie!" he spoke, still mad that his subordinated had messed up his chance of kill.
Martha, who looks sinister as ever, stood nearby with a torch in hand. "Satan! We return your FILTHY creatures back to the pits of Hell!" She raises the object in hand while the two Imps struggled to get free. May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy WORK!" Right before she had the chance…
"…Don't start without me!" She immediately turned and saw a blue armoured man walking towards them. This made her be dumbfounded by this recent new arrival. But to the two, they were glad to see him.
"CABOOSE!" Both Blitzø and Millie were relieved to see him.
"Well, what do we have here?" Martha said, looking at the blue individual. "A stranger stumbled to our little secret?"
"I am here to help!" Caboose announced, which immediately caught Millie off guard when hearing this.
"Help?" She said with suspicion while looking at the two tied up demons. "You want to help?"
"Yes! After all, I was sent here to assist you!" Caboose responded.
"You can't be serious, Caboose—" Millie was about to state.
"Quiet, Mils!" Her boss silenced her as he had a feeling their newest member wasn't going to do that.
Martha pondered what he had just spoken. "Oh…" Immediately, she let out a smile and handed the torch to him. "Well, if you are going to help, then how about you help me set these two devils on fire?"
"OKAY!" Caboose immediately responded as he pulled out his Magnum Pistol… And shoots her in the guts.
Everyone was caught off guard by this sudden action. They didn't expect Caboose to pull such a stunt. Martha immediately dropped to the ground and clutched her new bullet wound. She immediately glared at him. "What the f*ck was that?!"
"Um…" Caboose hummed as he tried to found his excuse why he did such a thing. "You told me to help, you and I did! It's not my fault that you were in the way!"
"Yes, it is!" The psychotic woman rebuked Caboose's denial. "Helpin' someone doesn't mean shooting them, you idiot sonovabit—"
Before she could continue, a bullet ran through her skull. She immediately dropped to the ground and bled out. Again, Caboose spoke. "Not my fault! Not my fault! She was suddenly shot by that crazed lady Bingo shot earlier!" He immediately turned to see where the shot came from and saw who had done it. "Oh hey, Roxy! When did you get here?"
"Just right now. Thanks for stopping that fire even if it doesn't kill us, imps." Moxxie responded as he rushed to free both his wife and boss from their binds.
"You're not gettin' your goddamn paycheck for this one, Mox! That one is going to Caboose," Blitzø bitterly informed him as he fell down. After the imps were freed, both Moxxie and Millie smiled at one another before embracing. Though, it was only short as they turned their heads to see Ralphie tripping backwards on Martha's Corpse before fleeing. "Oh, yeah, thanks! I'm fiiine!" He spoke sarcastically.
"I'm sorry, sir. I compromised our objective and put us in harm's way. It won't happen again. I promise." Moxxie apologized to his boss as he helped him to his feet.
"Eh, didn't know what happened, so I am not going to comment on that." Caboose spoke, which was literally ignored by everyone.
Blitzø immediately pulled him for a hug. "Apology accepted." All of a sudden, he spoke in a very low voice, "But, if you ever pull a stunt like this agaaaaain, I will f*ck you and your wife." He immediately let Moxxie go, who had a fearful look on his face while Moxxie raises her arms up in cheers. All Caboose did was looking up in the air. "Alrighty! Job well done! Now let's get off."
"Ehhhh, yeah. Give me a moment. I need to get something I left at the house." Moxxie informed his Boss.
"Okay, fine. But, hurry up." Blitzø said to him as he pulled out an extra phone. "Loonaaaa! We're ready to come home, dear!"
-Scene Change-
I.M.P, along with their client, Mrs. Mayberry, were celebrating their victory over their recent assignment. Both the client and Loona had slices of cakes on their plates, which the phrase 'we did it!' were written in blue, and all were wearing party hats. Blitzo received some treatment from the bullet wound in his right arm, which have a sling on it. All seemed to be in high spirit except for Moxxie, who seemed to be distressed about something. "Ahhh, did you see my little Mox-Mox?!" His wife asked.
"Yaay!" Mrs. Mayberry cheered.
"Ohhhh, yeah!" Blitzø also cheered though there was a hint of sarcasm.
"We did it!" Millie excitedly uttered as she hugged her husband. "Oh, Moxxie!"
"Well, here's to another mission accomplished! And Moxxie finally learned not to f*ck up." His leader congratulated.
"And killin' people isn't that big of a deal if they try to kill you back!" Millie said as she rubbed Moxxie's head.
"That's messed up." Mayberry commented before she shrugged it off, "But, I paid for it!"
"Everyone except for the still-distressed Moxxie laughs. Blitzo raises a fist as he let out a comment. "Yeah, f*ck that family!" He looked at his side to see Caboose, who is currently eating on a piece of cake with his helmet on. "You did well on your very first assignment, Caboose!"
The blue idiot look at him with white icing seen in the bottom of the helmet. "Really?"
"Yep!" The self-claimed Assassin responded cheerfully. "I think you are going to be a fantabulous working for us. What do you say?"
Caboose went silent for a moment. Honestly, having a reward for literally assisting people is something he liked and have no problems with it. He simply responded to Blitzø with a single word, "Neat."
Preview: Yeah, working with I.M.P. which means Irresistible Miraculous People, has allowed me to earn some income along with dealings with Miss Caramel! It's pretty neat. Though, I need to help around the hotl if I were to stay there. Stupid, Baggie, she's always the Angry Mexican Pirate that always bugs me.
Well, it looks like Caboose had proven himself to be very valuable with I.M.P. And it looks like we'll be getting some original content with the Hazbin Hotel location in this story.
Man, I am excited to write Caboose's involvement in Helluva Boss. Specifically, in certain episodes where he shows his chaotic side and his interaction with two certain Goetias.
Now, to what I said earlier about what I said about Restoration. It's good, though there could have been certain bits where Sarge and Doc somehow surviving. Though I don't blame that film to be rushed as Rooster Teeth is now shut down (R.I.P). But, as for this story, this takes place a month after Red vs Blue: Singularity. If you want the fans happy, make sure that all the Reds and Blues characters are live.
As for the group, they won't be coming. Just yet.
I hope this chapter satisfy all of you!? You can criticise this work since I feel like there are many O.O.C moments. But what do you all think of this chapters? And predictions you all wanna make?
