Chapter Text
Finding a job was rough for me, especially in the lust ring. Half the jobs here are sex related, and I feel like there's more to what I can do with myself.
I stared down at the advertisem*nt papers.
"Looking to highre, IMP"
Despite the very cheap looking drawing of a horse below and the spelling mistakes, the pay didn't look so bad. And honestly, I'm desperate. It's 4 rings up from my place, but I'll manage.
As I walk into the company building, I look at its run down state. 'This better not be a scam. I've just about had it with job hunting.'
I stared at the door that had 'I.M.P' written on it. My eyes glancing at the ad again.
I gently open the door. "Hello? I've heard that you're up to hire..."
A smaller imp on a couch sat up, before jumping off it and walked towards the door. "Ah, I'm assuming you are here for the job?"
'No sh*thead, I'm here just for fun.' My eyes darted around the room. "Yes...So who's the boss around here?"
Another small imp with a bright smile came up to me and exclaimed, "The boss is in his office, I'm sure he won't refuse to hire you. We are sorta short staff at the moment..."
Based off on her accent, I'd assume she is from the wrath ring. If it wasn't already clear by her wrath imp features. The other imp seems to be from the greed ring, based on his legs.
"That's good to hear....I guess?" I stare at the door the wrath imp pointed at and then the front desk, where a hellhound was seated and not bothered by my presence at all.
"I'd advise you to just knock at the bosses door. Our receptionist is kind of," the freckled imp dragged on his words "...difficult."
"I'm sure that's what your weight scale thinks too, fatty." The hellhound retorted, one ear now pointed as us, while her eyes were still glued to her phone.
"Alright, I'll just go and have a meeting with your boss then."
As I walked towards the door with the words 'Blitz's office' written on it, I hesitated, 'It can't be...right?'
No, no, it says Blitz. I doubt he would be stable enough to run a company.
I knocked on the door and opened it. "Hello sir, I'm here for the job." I stared at the desk with an imp sitting behind it, looking at me with wide eyes.
"Minerva?" He looked just as surprised as I did, however my surprised face turned into one of anger. "Blitzo..." I growled.
"W-what a coincidence that we meet again! Haha, so um...how have you been?" he was clearly avoiding eye contact.
"Oh, I'm doing just great after you decided to dump my ass out of nowhere and left without a trace or a word." My right eye twitched in irritation.
Of course the place I wanted to get a job at had my f*cking ex as the boss. This can't get any worse...
"Listen Nerva, I had my reaso-"
I slammed my hand on the desk and glared down into his red eyes. "It's Minerva to you, Blitzo."
"Blitzø, the O is silent now. So, going back to what you said earlier. You are looking for a job?" He gave me a worried smile.
"Yes, I got fired from my last job, because I had to go to rehab after a certain someone wrecked my life!" my claws dug into the table.
"Oh well that's a shame. I wish you the best of luck!" He was about the shove me out of his office, before I grabbed his arm and pinned him against the wall.
"Don't you think you owe me Blitzø?" I whispered into his ear,
while pressing him against the wall.
"You need employees and I need a job. I also happend to be very familiar with earth so...."
I bend further down and traced my finger over his horn.
"Waddaya say?"
He pushed me off and glared up at me, "Oh no! Your succubitch tricks won't work on me, honey!"
He stomped his heel on the ground and ponderd, "How do you even think this is going to work? How do you an IMP have access to earth?"
How did Blitzø plan on working this out? "I have my ways of getting to earth undetected. Do you?"
He turns his back to me and growled "I don't gotta tell you sh*t!"
I shake my head and sighed, then there was a knock on the door.
"Sir, we have a client."
I heard the male imp's voice from the other side of the door.
"Think about my offer Blitzø. You out of all people should know about my skills."
I wrote down my number on a peace of paper and layed it down on the desk, before making my way back to the front door of the office.
I opened the door and saw a sinner waiting, like the male imp said just 3 seconds ago.
After she went into Blitzø's office and closed the door, I looked at the two imps and the hellhound who have now swapped places.
The hellhound was lying on the couch, holding up a picture while the male imp was holding a crossbow.
"So, did you get the job?" The wrath imp asked excitedly.
"No. Your boss was being a real bitch about employing me specifically." I shrugged my shoulders. "I told him to rethink my offer."
As I left the office, I sighed 'Great, just great! I guess I'll have to move back in with my parents, cause there is no way that jackass will employ me!'
"Fuuuuuuck...." I groaned while leaving the office building.
3rd pov
When the sinner demon entered the office, her red eyes gazed at the small imp.
"I heard you kill people. I'd like to have someone taken care off..."
She lit up a cigarette and took a swing, before blowing it out in an annoyed manner.
"I was a good person before all went down...I was good my entire life."
"I was a teacher at an elementary school, and forgot my husband's birthday... One of my students suggested to call my husband, as a surprise."
"But when I saw him balls deep in some homewrecking bitch I couldn't contain my anger. I killed the whor* and my husband. And out of shame, myself."
"You do everything right in life. Play by all the rules and still get send down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world, after one measly masacar, propelled by blind rage"
She started walking back and forth in the office, then turned around towards Blitzø.
"So that's why I'm here, to get my revenge."
Blitzø was still not fully over the last visitor in his office, and was in though looking at the small note she had left, before throwing it in the trash.
"I mean, was she hotter? Just saying, I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tit*."
Her face contoured in rage, not that Blitzø was worried.
"Anyway, I don't think you quite understand how we're operating down here."
He sat up and went to the front of his desk.
"See, we take revenge out on the living, and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of a death frankly are all probably down here in hell with you. Boop."
The imp booped her nose in a teasing manner, which angers her even more.
"Not all of them. That whor* survived, now they all call her a hero."
"Between the talk shows and the donation bullsh*t she makes so much goddamn cash. Getting shot was the best thing to happen to her!"
Her anger started bubbling up inside her again and she slammed her hands on the desk cracking it
"SHE. IS. NOT. A. HERO!"
She yelled right into Blitzø's face, making him nervous of what she might do to him, if she gets provoked any more.
"Mhm, oh yeah! My thoughts exactly!"
He nooded his head, while frantically pushing the 'deranged client button'.
The little red light lighting up outside of the office, was getting left unseen by Millie and Moxxie, while they were practicing with the crossbow.
"Moxxie, stop shaking. You're gonna shot our only hellhound." Millie scolded her husband.
"Wow...I feel so loved here." Loona rolled her eyes, while staring at her phone with her unoccupied hand.
"Just take a deep breath and let it out." the wrath imp smiled at her husband.
"But it's a family! Under what circ*mstances would we ever need to kill a human family?"
He was hesitant about the whole idea of killing innocent people.
"I mean, if that's what the client wants..." she shurgs.
"Maybe like a sh*tty dad, or a mob family. That's understandable. But to eradicate an entire innocent...seemingly innocent, upper middle class family bloodline?"
Loona looked at the picture then scolded Moxxie.
"Hey! You don't know they're innocent! This kid probably sets dogs on fire, maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online. And this guy," She pointed at the two kids and then the father of the family photo, "This guy definitely watches." she growled.
"Exactly! Humans are full of secret nasties. It's why so many of them end up here." Millie agreed with Loona's statement.
Millie sways her around husband, before grabbing his cheeks, "Guilty or innocent aren't our business Mox's. Killing who we are payed to is our business! Shoot the target." She gave him a kiss, before stepping aside.
Moxxie aim lowered. He sighs, before pondering again. "I just think it's a bit excessive. And we could be a bit more selective, is all."
He was about to shoot the fake target in Loona's hand, when Blitzø slammed open the door, causing Moxxie to pull the trigger on accident, the arrow flying through the room, before hitting the eel tank.
Promptly setting everything on fire.
"GOD DAMMIT MOXXIE! I JUST BOUGHT THOSE EELS!"
**
"Byyye! And don't worry, we'll get that skan* in less than 24 hours or your first kill is freeeee!~" Blitzø shouted after the car that drove away, with their client.
"When did we start implementing that deal?" The freckled imp questioned his boss.
"When you set fire to my office in front of a client, you f*cking dick sh*t! Now please someone tell me that fancy book is still intact!"
Blitzø shouted.
"You mean our only ticket to the other side? Yeah got it." The hellhound pulled out the Grimoire.
"And that's why you're my favourite Loony~ You get a tweat now." the imp talked to his daughter in a baby-like voice.
"Ew, stop!" she hellhould looked down at him with disgust, before Blitzø just ate the treat himself.
"UGH! You're so gross!" she insulted her adoptive dad, which he, for some reason, took as a compliment "Awe stop it!~ I get that enough from my therapist. Now let's go lick some ass!"
He looked at the portal that lead to earth, ready to jump in.
"The expression is 'Kick some ass', Blitzø." Millie corrected, before hopping in.
"Mines better" Blitzø grumbled, following after her.
The 3 imps walked trough the portal and snuck into the front yard, to sneak a peek through the window.
"Oh that's gotta be her! Oh, this is too easy. Moxxie, you want this one?" He looked down at the smaller imp, who gave a greatful smile, "Me?"
"Yeah, this one's simple enough for you to handle. Just a happy mother, who just got out of the hospital."
Moxxie face shifted from a smile to pure horror.
"Snooze, you lose, Mox!" Blitzø aimed the sniper right at Martha's head "And I got you, bitch."
"W-wait! Are we actually killing a family?" the anxious imp questioned with shacky hands.
"No, don't be be a puss. We are killing a mother. We're ruining a family~" he got the sniper rifle ready to shoot.
"But...but...Hold on! Hold on! Let's just think about this-" Moxxie moved the sights up, making Blitzø miss his shot and alarming the whole family.
"What was that, Ralphie!?" They heard Martha ask her husband inside the house, with her heavy accent.
"I don't know Martha. But whatever it is," the husband pulled out a double barrowl shotgun and smirked "they're gonna be tomorrow nights dinner."
Martha pulled out her own shotgun and smashed her glass of wine on the ground. "Alright kids. Guns out!"
"Looks like we got some rabbits to catch youngins." They all had their guns out, now ready to attack.
While moxxie was hyperventilating in the bush Blitzø was furious with him.
"What the f*ck was that moxxie?!"
Moxxie fell on his knees, tears trailing down his cheeks. "I'm sorry...They just seemed so wholesome and happy. I PANICKED!"
"Oh, who the f*ck is innocent Moxxie?! From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite, leeching off your mama's tit*! GET THE f*ck OVER YOURSELF YOU BABY DICK-"
A gunshot blasted trough the wall, hitting Blitzø in the arm. "Arg f*ck! A new hole! SCATTER!"
The imps, except Moxxie, left the bush, Blitzø and Millie rushing into different directions. Blitzø making a run for it to the woods.
"I know you're hurting, little devil~ I promise i can make that pain go real quick. Just come let momma Martha put a bullet in your pretty, little skull~" she loomed around the woods, Blitzø's chest was rising frantically as he heard her passing him.
When she was far away he exhaled in relief, but then his phone started ringing.
"God-f*cking-dammit Stolas! THIS IS A REALLY BAD TIME!" he whisper-yelled at the arsgoetia.
"When isn't it a bad time Blitzy?" the owl demon chimed over the phone.
Blitzø scoffed looking around to make sure that crazy lady isn't nearby. "What is it?"
"I've been meaning to follow up our last little conversation, regarding my Grimoire." based on the tone of Stolas' voice, Blitzø could tell hes smirking.
"What did you just call me?" The imp ask enraged.
"My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job? That I've allowed you to use to do yours?" The owl teased, but Blitzø didn't have time for a comeback, because he heard the sound of a shotgun getting reloaded.
A large hole was blown into the tree, Blitzø was hiding behind, making him scurry out of the way.
"I can hear ya, darling!" Martha shouted.
"Anyhoo...~ You know I've been permitting you access to the mortal realm, less than legally for some time now, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties."
Stolas was pondering something.
"I was thinking... What if we worked out some kind of exchange? Favours for favours! Doesn't that sound...enticing?~"
Blitzø was running through the woods, dodging the bullets Martha's trying to riddle into him.
"You gotta stop using your fancy ass rich people talk, okay? I'm trying to concentrate on not getting f*cked in my 'a'!"
"Then let me keep it simple. Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of passionate fornication. Aaaand you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hm? Sound fair, my little imp?~" He popped the 'p', while leaning his beak further into the speaker.
"Fine, whatever!" he just agreed, because he honestly had better sh*t to deal with, but Stoals clearly wasn't seeing that.
"Oh Blitz, I'm so excited. I cannot wait to fill your slimy c*** inside of my *** and ***"
(The beeping is being kept cause funny)
Blitzø's phone was smacked out of his hand by the handle of a gun, that belonged to non other than Martha.
As Stolas keeps on with his dirty talk, in the background, no one paying attention to him, Martha pressed the gun's handle against Blitzø's throat.
"So, you're a little devil? Come to drag me and my kin to hell? Well not today Satan!" She pushed the handle even further into his neck. "I'm gonna send you all back to where you came from!"
She grabbed Blizø by the collar and dragged him to a ritual looking circle where Millie was already tied up.
As Martha wrapped the rope around the imp's wrist, her husband coverd them in gasoline.
"Oh, I had that f*cking shot. Goddammit Moxxie!" Blitzø grumbled under his breath.
Martha held a lit up torch in her hand, with a bright smile. "Satan! We return your filthy creatures, back to the pits of hell! May the root of evil remain honoured, as we continue thy work!"
She tossed the torch into the pit, making the ground below the demons light up, a flame erupted into a small explosion, covering both Blitzø and Millie.
"Yeah...That's not exactly how it works, lady. Your fire doesn't really hurt us, sorry. But I mean, I could fake it, if that'll get your dick hard."
She scratches her head for a second, "Oh...sh*t."
She pulled up her shotgun instead, the menacing smile back on her lips,
"Well, I'll just shoot ya in your smartass mouth!"
"That would be more affective." Blitzø admits, which makes Millie scold him.
Martha laughs maniacally and got her gun ready to shoot.
"The only one that gets to kill his ass is me!" A rock was thrown from the dark parts of the forest, distracting Martha.
A tall imp dashed out the woods, ready to engage
"Minerva! What the f*ck are you doing here?"
"The woman from earlier...?" Millie questioned.
"You two OK?" The newcomer glanced back at them before taking on a stance.
"So, you little creatures called for backup, huh? Don't worry, you will all have a specific place on my wall!" She aimed her shotgun right at Minerva, but as she aimed down, her eye popped right out of its socket.
"Wow...nice shoot dude."
"Moxxie!" Millie exclaimed, as the freckled imp ran up to the stake and untied his wife and boss.
"You are not getting your goddamn paycheck for this one, Mox!"
As Blitzø fell onto the ground, Moxxie cuddles up to his wife, in a loving embrace.
"Oh yeah. Thanks. I'm fiiiineee!" Blitzø commented in an annoyed tone.
Minerva walked up to Blitzø and grabbed his collar, hoisting him up to his feet. "Stop acting like a baby Blitzø." She patted his shoulder, freeing him from the dust, before staring down at him.
"I'm sorry sir, I compromised our objectives and put us at harms way. It won't happen again, I promise."
As Blitzø slightly smacked the hybrid imps hand away, he hugged Moxxie in a tight embrace, "Apologies accepted. But if you ever pull a stunt like this again, I will f*ck you and your wife." he wisperd into Moxxie's ear, before pushing him away and smiling.
"Alrighty! Job well done. Now let's get off!" he smiled at his two imp friends, making Minevra raise a brow.
"Eh...yeah. Give me a moment, I need to get something I left at the house." Moxxie objected.
"And I think there still a huge elephant in the room." Millie said, while Moxxie ran back the the house.
"You're welcome." the tall imp smirked.
"The f*ck you mean 'you're welcome'?! We would have been fine without you! "Blitzø pointed a finger at Minerva.
"Wait a minute, how did you know we were here?"
She tapped his finger down, while she bend down to his level, "I asked your secretary."
"You clearly have no clue how the mortal realm or the people that inhabit it work. I'm just saying you could really use the help." she pursed her lips, before smirking.
This was total payback from her, she knows how to play her cards just right.
"Boss, she might have a point. And even if not, she saved our lives!" Millie spoke up for Minerva, making the tall imp smile at her.
"Well, I technically only distracted her until your other guy popped her eye out." she turns back to Blitzø. "Let's put our differences behind us for now m'kay? So, am I hired or not?"
Blitzø looked between minerva's smirk and Millie's bright smile, before letting out a loud, exaggerated groan.
"Ugh fine! You get the job!" he shouted annoyed, before crossing his arms.
Not to long after, Moxxie came back. "There he is! Had a good wank of session, Moxxie?"
His question was met with a small, "Excuse me?", before Blitzø pointed down on his bow tie.
"Look, I don't care where you cum in the living world, just come to your job on time, alright? That goes for you too, missy! See you at the office!" he pointed at Minevra, before dashing into the portal.
"Welp, you heard the little sh*t."
She rested her hand on her hip.
"Wait, now that this is over. Who are you?" Moxxie questioned.
The tall imp looked down at the two smaller imps "I'm Minerva. Your new coworker." she smiled, before jumping into the portal.
"You have a good heart, just a fuzzy head." Millie squeezes his cheek, before jumping into the portal herself.
As Moxxie was about to jump in himself, he heard the police surroundings the house. And while observing from affar, he watched how the, decided to just bomb it.
Too shocked to even move, Blitzø grabbed Moxxie by the collar and dragged him trough the portal.
***
After the whole thing cleard up, I.M.P threw a small party with their client. Blitzø was wearing a sling for his arm, that got shot during the mission, and everyone was wearing little party hats.
"Haha, did you see my little Mox-Mox? He did it!" Millie cuddles up to a, traumatised looking, Moxxie, with a cut cake in front of him, that had 'we did it :)' written on it in icing.
"Well, here's to another mission accomplished, and Moxxie finally learning not to f*ck up!" Blitzø smirked.
"And killing people isn't that big a deal if they try to kill you back!" ?illie justified
"Or if they try to kill you first!" Minerva chimed in.
"That's messed up, but I paid for it!" Their client added.
Everyone laughed, except moxxie, Who's still staring blankly at the cake.
"Yeah, f*ck that family!"
The small party was great for everyone involved, (except Moxxie). The client eventually left and M & M got their things, before going home.
Leaving just Loona, Blitzø and Minerva in the office.
"Hey, Loony, why don't you drive back home for today? I still have some paperwork to fill in."
The hellhound didn't believe that lie one bit, and just growled. "What ever you do, just clean up after yourself and lock the office when you leave, dumbass!"
She grabbed the car keys, leaving the office and slamming the door shut behind her.
"Oh Blitzø actually wants to talk and not run away?" The taller imp cooed in a teasing manner.
"I thought I would have to chase you down and tie you up, to get anything out of you." she sat down on the couch with a co*cky smirk.
A clear façade to her true feelings, as usual.
"Listen Nerva, how things ended back then were...difficult. And I know you're still mad at me..."
He sighed while averting his eyes.
"Oh f*ck yeah I am, but like I said, I really need this job and what's more ironic than working for the idiot, that got you fired." She was taking a look at her long nails, before pushing herself up from the rundown couch.
"Blitzø, why did you leave me back then?" She stalked towards him, her impccubus tail swaying dangerously behind her.
"I-its very difficult and a long story. How about we talk about this another time?" he stepped backwards, before his back collided with the edge of the office desk.
"Ah...~ There he is, the Blitzø that always runs away, like a little puss*." She puts her hands on both sides of the table, trapping the smaller imp.
"Maybe I should tie you up after all?" she growled her claws digging into the desk.
"That sounds hot."
.
.
.
"What?"
"What?"
Then there was a moment of silence, Minevra's shock written all over her face, while Blitzø was also looking up at her wide-eyed.
They stare in each others eyes, before both, seemingly, mentally agree on their next move.
Before one or the other could think, Blitzø was hoisted up on the desk, and Minervas tongue was down his throat.
His hand ran up her hair while her hand landed on his leg, their make out session was long, messy and very grabby.
Their tongues were dancing around with ome another, while their hands went on areas they haven't been in for a while.
Eventuelly, Blitzø buries his hand in her hair, and the other one was grabbing her hip. Minerva pressed her body against his, as her tail swayed around dangerously.
He tugged on Minerva's hair, making her moan into the kiss.
"Is tying me up still on the agenda?" He growled into her ear, making a shiver run down her spine.
"Only if you think you can handle it, boy~" she purred at him, her tail wrapping around his legs.
"Please bitch, I was born ready- Wahhh!" Blitzø yelped as Minerva threw him across the room with her tail, making him land roughly on the couch.
"That's all I wanted to hear!~" Her eyes shone a bright pink, as she made her way towards Blitzø with a bright grin and wide eyes.
Blitzø and Minerva engulfed themselves in a very innocent and wholesome act for the night.
**
A/N: yugi trying to finish a fanfic before starting a new one challenge: impossible
Before all the stolitz fans pull out their pitchforks, Minvera won't get in the way of stolitz, so you can chill.
Hope you like Minerva so far, and if there are any questions, feel free to ask in the comments!
Minerva and Gwenevieve play in the same AU, so "Mr. and Mrs. Altruist" is cannon to this fanfic.
And as per usual if there are any spelling mistakes, don't be shy to tell me (just be nice about it thx) I proof read this chapter while being extremely tired.
